Training a Child:

An Introduction to Biblical Principles for Raising Children

I. Some Biblical teachings about children

• "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." Proverbs 22:15
  
  • Foolishness is in a child's heart - every child has foolishness.
    
  • Foolishness can be removed from a child through wise and loving discipline.
    
    
• "Chasten your son while there is hope, and let not your soul spare for his crying." Proverbs 19:18
  
  • Discipline of a child can be effective, if done when the child is still young.
    
  • Tears, screams, or crying of a child are not reasons to withhold proper discipline from a child.
    
    
• "Withhold not correction from the child: for if you beat him with the rod, he shall not die. You shall beat him with the rod, and shall deliver his soul from hell." Proverbs 23:13-14
  
  • When the parent disciplines the child, the parent rescues the child from death (physical and spiritual benefits).
    
  • If the parent does not discipline the child, the result will be terrible suffering to the child.
    
    
• "He that spares his rod hates his son: but he that loves him chastens him when needed." Proverbs 13:24
  
  • If the parent does not discipline the child, the parent is hating the child,
    
  • If the parent disciplines the child, the parent is loving the child.
    
    
• "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself brings his mother to shame." Proverbs 29:15
  
  • The parent who does not discipline the child brings about shame.
    
  • The parent who allows the child to get his/her own way brings about shame.
    
  • The parent who allows the child to decide what is best brings about shame.
    
  • Discipline can produce wisdom.
    
    
• "Correct your son, and he shall give you rest; yes, he shall give delight unto your soul." Proverbs 29:17
  
  • If the parent properly corrects/disciplines the child, rest/peace and joy can result for many.
    
  • When children are properly trained, there can be peace within the family.

II. The will directs a person's words and actions.

1. The will is that aspect of a person that corresponds to desires, plans, purposes, and decisions.
   
   
2. The following are some positive examples of the will in operation:
   
   1. I will ______, but only if it is the best that should be done.
      
   2. If now is not the best time or place to ______, then I will wait until the best time and place.
      
   3. I will use everything of which I am aware to do what is best, - regardless of what I want.
      
   4. I will do what those who are in authority over me say (if it is not contrary to Biblical truth).
      
   5. What would you like for me to do?
      
   6. I will consider the actions that you suggest are the best to do.
      
   7. I will consider what you suggest is the best way to do them.
      
      
3. The following are some negative examples of the will in operation:
   1. I am going to do it, but only because I want to do it.
      
   2. I am not going to do it, because I do not want to do it.
      
   3. I want to ______, and I want to choose what I do, how much I do, when I do it, and how I do it.
      
   4. I will use everything of which I am aware to get my way (to do what I want - according to my will).
      
      
   
4. Two examples of a self-centered will are
   
   1. "I don't want to do what you say, and I'm not going to!"
      
   2. "I want to do what you say for me to not do, and I'm going to do it!"
      

(These apply as examples of self-centeredness if they are said to someone to whom the speaker is under authority, the request is within the authority of the one requesting that the actions be done - or not be done, and the actions in question are not morally wrong.)

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" Jeremiah 17:9

III. The will needs to be trained.

1. Like all aspects of being a human being, every person's will (even a child's) has been corrupted by sin.
   
   1. Foolishness can direct the will.
      
   2. Because of this, every person is inclined to be self-centered.
      
   3. The result is that the will needs to be trained away from foolishness and self-centeredness.
      
   4. To negate foolishness in a child, parents must train the child and teach the child to control the will.
   5. A child's lack of knowledge and wisdom can strengthen the foolishness of the child.
   6. In turn, the foolishness of the child can encourage a child to not appreciate knowledge and wisdom.
   7. The ability of knowledge and wisdom to influence the will is minimal if a person cannot control one's will.
      
      
   "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; . . ." Proverbs 22:15
   
   
2. The presence or absence of knowledge and wisdom can influence a person's will.
   
   1. An inadequate knowledge of the dangers involved can effect what a person wants to do.
      
   2. A lack of wisdom concerning the positive and/or negative consequences can effect what a person wants to do.
      
      
3. A young child has a limited and inadequate amount of knowledge and wisdom.
   
   1. A young child is not capable of independently making wise decisions.
      
   2. A young child must be directed by the parents until he/she is able to make informed and wise decisions.
      
      
4. A child needs outside input in order to learn to use his/her knowledge and abilities in wise ways.
   
   1. A child needs input from the parents so that his/her actions do not harm either the child or other people.
      
   2. A child who is not told when his/her actions are wrong and is not disciplined will cause shame.
      
   3. The parent who allows the child to get his/her own way or allows the child to decide what is best brings about shame.
      
   4. To be effective, the parent's input must be stronger than the child's self-will.
      
   5. Because a child's will is not automatically or easily trained, the parent must use adequate and consistent discipline so the child can receive wisdom.
      

"The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself brings his mother to shame." Proverbs 29:15

IV. Training the will of a child seeks to accomplish important purposes.

1. The following are primary purposes in training the will of a child:
   
   1. to remove foolishness from the child,
      
   2. to protect the child (and others) from present and future dangers,
      
   3. to prepare the child to be able to make wise decisions,
      
   4. to prepare the child to perform helpful actions, and
      
   5. to motivate and build self-discipline in the child.
      
      
2. Foolishness needs to be removed from a child.
   
   1. The default for a child is foolishness, not wisdom.
      
   2. Foolishness can be removed from a child by means of proper discipline.
      
      
   "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." Proverbs 22:15
   
   
3. A child (and others) needs to be protected from present and future dangers.
   
   1. Neglecting to discipline one's child can result in more pain to both the child and the parent (and to others) in the future.
      
   2. Discipline that a child needs must not be neglected on account of the child's crying. (Emotions should not be allowed to interfere with doing what is best.)
      
   3. Discipline should be given now - while there is still hope.
      
   4. A little pain now can protect a child (and others) from destructive pain later.
      
   5. If a child is not trained when young, the child becomes harder to train as the child grows (in age and size).
      
      
   "Chasten your son while there is hope, and let not your soul spare for his crying." Proverbs 19:18
   
   
4. A child needs to be motivated and able to exercise self-discipline.
   
   1. Self-discipline is important for improving one's abilities and in learning new and important things.
      
   2. A parent who diligently and loving disciplines his/her child is preparing the child so that the child can be a source of joy instead of a source of distress.
      

             "Correct your son, and he shall give you rest; yes, he shall give delight unto your soul." Proverbs 29:17

V. The basis for training a child is the fear of God.

1. A proper attitude toward God is a prerequisite to meaningful knowledge about life.
   
2. A child must be trained to accept and appreciate instructions.
   

             "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction." Proverbs 1:7

VI. Child training is an endeavor of applied love.

1. Applied love (agape) is much more than just a feeling kind of love.
   
   1. Applied love uses its resources to furnish what the child needs.
      
   2. Applied love is not driven by emotions.
      
   3. Applied love subjects emotions to itself.
      
   4. Applied love does what is best for the child even if it is contrary to doing what temporarily makes the parent or the child "feel" good.
      
      
2. Child training involves applied love.
   
   1. Child training involves loving the child with words and actions.
   2. Loving a child involves exercising patience.
      
   3. Loving one's child requires the parent to discipline the child appropriately.
      
   4. A major goal of loving one's child is to assist the child to mature properly.
      
   5. Following the teachings of the Word of God and teaching them to the child is essential for the child to mature properly.
      
      
   "And, you fathers, . . . bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4
   
   
3. Applied love involves and requires patience.
   
   1. Love is patient toward the child; it goes not react angrily when the child fails to disobey.
      
   2. Love is patient with the process of child training; it goes not give up on training the child to obey.
      
   3. Love is patient with the effectiveness of Biblical principles; it continues to follow Biblical principles even though others reject them.
      
      
   "Charity . . . bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:7
   
   
4. Patience is extended to the child.
   
   1. Patience is exercised by continuing to use Biblical principles.
      
   2. Patience continues to believe that God will honor the parents' consistent adherence to Biblical principles.
      
   3. Patience trusts in God's process of training the child; it does not give up even when the task is difficult and takes a long time.
      
      
5. Patience is not extended to disobedience.
   
   1. Patience does not suggest that willful disobedience is all right.
      
   2. Patience does not overlook willful disobedience.
      
      

VII. Child training consists of certain attitudes and actions.

1. The following are some things that are included in child training:
   
   1. Training a child utilizes instruction, rewards, and consequences to teach what the child should do and should not do.
      
   2. Child training involves showing that obedience is best, and
      
   3. Child training involves showing that disobedience is unwise and harmful.
      
      
2. The following are necessary in training a child's will:
   
   1. instruction - tells the child what to do and what not to do,
      
   2. positive reward - encourages the child to obey,
      
   3. negative consequence - discourages the child from willful disobedience, and
   4. prayer - seeks God's direction and help.
      
      
   "The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself brings his mother to shame." Proverbs 29:15
   "Correct your son, and he shall give you rest; yes, he shall give delight unto your soul." Proverbs 29:17
   
   
3. Child training teaches that obedience is best.
   
   1. Child training teaches that obedience involves less pain, is easier, and results in better rewards.
      
   2. Because the will is self-centered and needs to be trained, child training requires discipline.
      
   3. To love one's child requires the parent to discipline the child.
      
   (Here, "love" does not refer to a "feeling". Rather, it refers to the performance of actions that are necessary for teaching the child to control and redirect the will.)
   
   "He that spares his rod hates his son: but he that loves him chastens him betimes (timely; diligently/promptly)." Proverbs 13:24
   
   
4. Child training teaches that disobedience is worse.
   
   1. Child training teaches that disobedience involves more pain, is harder, and gives worse consequences.
      
   2. Neglecting to discipline one's child allows the child to suffer.
      
   3. Diligence in applying discipline deters disobedience and rescues the child from death. (It gives physical and spiritual benefits).
      
      

"He that spares his rod hates his son: but he that loves him chastens him betimes (timely; diligently/promptly)." Proverbs 13:24
"Withhold not correction from the child: for if you beat him with the rod, he shall not die. You shall beat him with the rod, and shall deliver his soul from hell." Proverbs 23:13-14

VIII. Proper child training contributes to the well being of a child; it does not encourage a child to be frustrated or rebellious.

• A child
  
  • who has a sufficient amount of self-discipline,
    
  • whose will is trained,
    
  • who is given boundaries,
    
  • who is properly directed and corrected,
    
  • who is disciplined with consistency,
    
  • who is not disciplined by anger or frustration,
    
  • who is not disciplined by yelling,
    
  • who is wisely disciplined without threats,
    
  • who is not disciplined by harmful physical force, and
    
  • who has been taught that there are consequences for errant behavior,
    
  is a delightful child who gives peace.
  
  

"Correct your son, and he shall give you rest; yes, he shall give delight unto your soul." Proverbs 29:17

• A child
  
  • who has a small amount of self-discipline,
    
  • whose will is not trained,
    
  • who is not given boundaries,
    
  • who is not properly directed and corrected,
    
  • who is disciplined without consistency,
    
  • who is disciplined by anger or frustration,
    
  • who is disciplined by yelling,
    
  • who is threatened instead of disciplined,
    
  • who is disciplined by harmful physical force, or
    
  • who has not been taught that there are consequences for errant behavior,
    
  is a frustrated child.
  
  
  (The above could be a recipe for a child who could be classified with a so-called "behavioral disorder.")
  
  

"And, you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4

IX. There are benefits for a child who obeys and honors his/her parents.

1. If obeyed, the instructions and commands of parents can result in good things for the child.
   
2. The commands, rebukes, and instructions of the parents give guidance, protection, wisdom, and comfort for the child who follows the parents' leadership.
   
   

"My son, hear the instruction of your father, and forsake not the law of your mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto your head, and chains about your neck." Proverbs 1:8-9

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor your father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise. That it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth." Ephesians 6:1-3

"My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not the law of your mother. Bind them continually upon your heart, and tie them about your neck. When you go, it shall lead you; when you sleep, it shall keep you; and when you awake, it shall talk with you. For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life" Proverbs 6:20-23

X. The ultimate goal for child training is that the child lives for Jesus Christ.

1. In order to not frustrate one's child, instructions must be clear, and the discipline performed by parents must be adequately firm, completely fair, and always consistent.
   
2. Instead of frustrating their children, fathers are to train them by giving them the support, teaching, encouragement, counsel, correction, and warnings of Jesus Christ.
   
3. Believing parents trust Jesus Christ to replace their self-wills and the self-will of their child with God's will.
   

"And, you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4

"Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any one will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it" Matthew 16:24-25

Appendix

Some Bible Scriptures about Child Training

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. My son, hear the instruction of your father, and forsake not the law of your mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto your head, and chains about your neck." Proverbs 1:7-9

"My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not the law of your mother. Bind them continually upon your heart, and tie them about your neck. When you go, it shall lead you; when you sleep, it shall keep you; and when you awake, it shall talk with you. For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life" Proverbs 6:20-23

"He that spares his rod hates his son: but he that loves him chastens him betimes (timely; diligently/promptly)." Proverbs 13:24

"Chasten your son while there is hope, and let not your soul spare for his crying." Proverbs 19:18

"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." Proverbs 22:15

"Withhold not correction from the child: for if you beat him with the rod, he shall not die. You shall beat him with the rod, and shall deliver his soul from hell." Proverbs 23:13-14

"The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself brings his mother to shame." Proverbs 29:15

"Correct your son, and he shall give you rest; yes, he shall give delight unto your soul." Proverbs 29:17

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" Jeremiah 17:9

"Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any one will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it" Matthew 16:24-25

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. "Honor your father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise. That it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth." And, you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Ephesians 6:1-4


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L.D. Hammons © 2007

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